


I'll guide your heart through your darkest moments

by The_main_Battledancer, Xayah90



Category: League of Legends
Genre: Alternate Universe - Star Guardians (League of Legends), Drama & Romance, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, High School, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-01
Updated: 2021-02-01
Packaged: 2021-03-12 18:08:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29139804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_main_Battledancer/pseuds/The_main_Battledancer, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xayah90/pseuds/Xayah90
Summary: After the Star Guardians successfully rescued Xayah, they try to return to their daily routine and ignore the gap left by Rakan's disappearance. But for Xayah it' s impossible to simply accept his disappearance and forget about him.
Relationships: Rakan/Xayah (League of Legends)
Comments: 7
Kudos: 3





	I'll guide your heart through your darkest moments

Xayah sits exhausted at the kitchen table, her eyes fixed on the pile of paper spread out in front of her, while she bites her lower lip and tries to order her thoughts. She taps the paper with her pen, leaving a small stain of blue paint. A small, light blue stain, light blue like the jewel of her only true love, her Rakan. She swallows, fighting the tears.

Abruptly she gets up, hurrying with quick steps through the door and stepping out into the garden, where she stops in the darkness, her eyes fixed on the night sky. It's been almost two weeks since she was _rescued_ and became part of the Star Guardians again. And it's been almost two weeks since she last saw Rakan, felt his presence. 

"Are you somewhere up there? Can you hear me?"

A single tear runs down her cheek as her eyes search the night sky one more time, as they have so many times in recent days, hoping for any sign of Rakan's presence. But again there seems to be none, the stars twinkling down on Xayah as the moon bathes her in a cold light. Once again she tries to remember what really happened that day, but her memories are shattered and the last thing she remembers is that she was knocked off her feet by some kind of energy and lost consciousness.

Her next memory is that she had woken up in this strange yet familiar place, in her old room, with the window and door closed. A quiet sob comes over her lips, while her eyes still scurry from one star to the next, searching for a sign of life from him. Unsuccessfully.

"Please Rakan... if you are somewhere out there.... give me a sign... anything. I can't go on like this, I can't go on without you.... I can't suppress the fear of being lost without you..."

She quickly wipes the tears from her face as the door to the kitchen opens and she can hear soft footsteps behind her. With a fake smile on her lips, she turns around, looking into Neeko's questioning face. "Neeko is wondering if Xayah is okay?" With wide, worried eyes, Neeko looks up at her, a smile on her lips, and for a brief moment Xayah asks herself if she shouldn't just throw her arms around her neck and trust herself to her, tell her how much she misses Rakan and of how she really feels. 

But then images rush back into her mind, images that she knows are true, even though she would give anything to forget them, to undo them. Neeko, running away, chased by Rakan and herself. She sees herself throwing a plethora of Featherdaggers at her, aiming directly at her friend. Not to stop her from running away or even to help her, no, aiming to kill her. She sees Ahri flinch as she throws herself at her team leader, full of hatred and anger over a betrayal she never committed.

What wouldn't she do to undo all this, and yet Xayah knows she will never get this chance, nothing and no one will be able to undo what she has done, she will have to live with this knowledge for the rest of her life, unable to look at herself in the mirror. 

Slowly she nods, her eyes turned to the floor, unable to look Neeko in the face. "I'm okay," she murmurs as Neeko tilts her head, looking at her in surprise. "Neeko thinks Xayah looks sad!" And without another word, Neeko throws her arms around her, enclosing Xayah in a tight hug. For a brief moment, Xayah stares down at her before closing her arms around Neeko as well, hugging her close. "I'm so sorry..." she murmurs in her ear, receiving a puzzled look from the little chameleon, tilting her head again. 

"Xayah doesn't need say sorry," she murmurs, a wide smile on her lips. "Neeko knows Xayah wasn't Xayah. Zoe made Xayah do things friend never would have done," she laughs happily, wrapping her arms tighter around Xayah and humming happily. "Xayah doesn't need to be sad. Neeko promises Rakan will come back. Neeko promises family will save Rakan." 

With a firm grip, Neeko grabs her hand and drags her across the garden, through the kitchen, and over to the others in the living room. Smiling, Ahri looks up from her book as the two enter, giving them a questioning look. "Is everything okay?" Slight concern resonates in her voice, not taking her eyes off Xayah's still slightly red eyes. "Xayah just sad about Rakan." Without another word, Neeko drags her to an empty seat, where they sit down together and Soraka hands them a cinnamon bun in good mood. 

"This one's from Pantheon's Bakery!" she giggles, taking another bite of her own, while Neeko, eyes gleaming, also takes a cinnamon bun from the package and bites into it happily, kicking her legs in satisfaction. With a slight smile and a shake of her head, Xayah kindly declines the offer, her eyes fixed on her hands and feeling completely out of place. 

"Do either of you need help catching up on your schoolwork?" asks Ahri with a smile, breaking the silence. Slowly, Xayah shakes her head, but grimaces at the thought of all the lessons she still has to catch up on. "I'm already helping Neeko, we are in the same class and I can easily help her," Soraka chuckles, taking another bite as Neeko claps her hands happily and bounces her legs harder. 

A wide smile flits across Ahri's lips, happy that Neeko has made friends so quickly and is accepted and welcomed by the others. That she has become part of the family again. With a quick movement, Xayah stands up, hurrying away towards the stairs. "I'm going to bed, good night," she mumbles before running up the stairs and disappearing into her room as the others in the room look after her. 

"What was that?" mumbles Ezreal without looking up from his phone. "She's having trouble finding her place here..." murmurs Ahri, her eyes still fixed on the stairs. "We need to do something to make her start feeling comfortable here." Wordlessly, the others nod, following their own thoughts.

* * *

In the morning, when Xayah's phone rings and a familiar music starts playing, she groans in annoyance, turning off the alarm with her hand and turning to the side again. A sound of fluttering causes her ears to twitch, and when her lamp begins to glow a moment later, she sighs in frustration, fumbling with her hand until she gets the lamp turned off. A short moment later it lights up again brightly. "Ohhh Saki..." she mumbles annoyed before pressing the pillow against her face.

But that doesn't help her either. 

Immediately Saki flutters over to her, nipping the tip of her ear until Xayah finally gives in and stands up with a loud, theatrical groan and slowly staggers over to the closet. With a quick movement, she grabs her school uniform from the closet and tosses it onto her bed before slowly trotting to the bathroom, her mood worse than the night before. A loud sigh escapes her lips, knowing that she will be able to go to the bathroom without further delay since the person who blocked it for hours in the morning isn't around. 

Her fingers tremble as she pushes down the handle a moment later and enters the bathroom. For a tiny moment, she feels the urge to strike at her reflection in the mirror. Even though her appearance has transformed back to what it once was, a single purple strand in her bangs still remains as a reminder of what happened and what she had been in the meantime. She shakes her head, repressing the thought.

A glance in the mirror clearly shows her that she needs to apply makeup to cover the dark rings under her eyes, so she applies a thin layer of makeup as quickly as possible, followed by a bit of eyeliner, eye shadow, mascara and lip gloss. With quick steps, she runs back to her room, changing into her uniform. 

"Do I really have to?" she mutters, glancing at Saki, who chirps reassuringly at her. "I'm not ready yet... I'm not ready to go back to school..." she whispers quietly with a trembling voice before grabbing her backpack with a sigh of resignation. A glance inside shows her that all the important books are already packed and to her surprise, she finds that there is a fully packed lunchbox in the backpack. A quick glance at the note on it shows her that Neeko and Soraka have prepared something for her to eat and wish her a nice first day back at school.

A slight smile flits across her lips, and she grabs her jacket and throws the backpack over her shoulder before leaving the building with quick steps, relieved not to run into anyone.

She quickly runs through the corridor, opening the door to the math room and quickly looking around the classroom for a free seat. Her face contorts briefly as she notices that there are only seats left in the first row. Just as she sits down, the door opens again and the teacher steps in, writing his name on the board and explaining to the perplexed students that they have some new students in the class. 

It doesn't take long for Xayah to bite her lower lip, writing as fast as she can, hoping to get as much down as possible. She sighs with relief as the bell marks the end of class, stuffing her things into her backpack and leaving the classroom with the others. She looks around briefly at the crowd of students heading to the cafeteria, knowing that she will have to pass the cafeteria to get to the lunch room. 

Without further ado, she decides to take a different - actually slower - route, but with the crowds of students, she is sure she will be faster than the others. With one hand she reaches for a drink pack Neeko has packed for her, while she tucks one of her books under her arm and hurries on. Attentively, she prepares herself for the history lesson while slowly sucking on the straw, not paying attention to her surroundings.

* * *

Rakan waked up to the buzzing of his phone, which he had put on the nightstand beside his bed. He extends his hand, hardly missing the lamp and turns it off with a grunt. He turns around so he lays on his back and slowly he opens his eyes, staring at the ceiling. ‘Another day, another adventure!’ he thinks with a smile and with one swift move, he jumps off the bed. With quick steps he moves out of the room and through a small hallway, reaching the bathroom, opening the door and getting inside. 

After he shuts the door, he turns around and looks himself in the mirror. ‘Good, not much is out of place, so this should be quick. With his mirrors help and his experienced hands he manages to make his hair and groom his face in just a few minutes and after he is done with the bathroom, he leaves the room with a smile. ‘Now for breakfast!’ he moves through the small hallway once more, looking at the ecru colored walls around him in disappointment.

He doesn’t like the color, he finds it boring and doesn’t think it presents some kind of character, same with his room’s color. He almost found it depressing. Shaking his head as he arrives at the small kitchen, he opens one of the dark wooden shelves and gets a cup out of it, before putting it on the grey marble counter and opening the fridge to get the bottle with the milk. ‘Some cocoa should do the work! I will probably stop by the bakery later and get something to snack on anyway’. He makes his cocoa and drinks it quickly as he realizes he has no time to lose or he would be late for school. 

“Oh crap!” he mumbles as he runs to his room, opening the wardrobe, which stands next to a huge double window, on the wall opposite to the door. ‘I’ll get…This, this and…This!’ He throws the white dress shirt, the grey trousers and his light grey sports jacket, after that he looks for his red tie. Smiling he looks at his school uniform. It isn’t the most stylish, but it will do. He quickly finds the right books and puts them in his school bag and then runs to the mirror beside the main door. He takes a look and smirks ‘Damn I look good!’. 

With that he steps out of the door and begins his way to school, realizing that he doesn’t have enough time to get to the bakery halfway through ‘The cafeteria at school will have to do..’ he resides and continues on with his route. When he arrives at school he locks his bike at the designated space and walks through the doors, feeling a strange familiarity, though he is not able to put his finger on it. He shrugs and makes his way to his classroom, as his first lesson was about to begin.

‘This is sooo boring, how can people go through this stuff?’ he thinks as the lesson is ends. It was Geometry, a lesson he realized he hates with all his heart, its only sin being that it is so damn boring. ‘Now for the cafeteria!’ he thinks as he runs out of the classroom when the bell rings. As he walks through the school, not really looking where he is going, suddenly he bumps into someone, or rather someone bumps into him. ‘I swear if my clothes are dirty when I get up, or my hair out of place….’ He thinks as he slowly gets up from the ground with an annoyed sound.


End file.
